artshapedworld

A glimpse into my studio

2012-01-31T13:48:00.005-05:00

After many hours of sorting, tossing, donating and organizing my disastrous studio, it is finally done! It is kind of a busy, zany space...not like some of the studios I see that look like a spread from Martha Stewart's magazine. This space is full of my supplies, but also the artwork of many, many artists I have swapped work with over the years...most of whom I have never met! When I come in here now, I am inspired, not despairing over the mess. What a wonderful feeling!

Many thanks to the friends who help me get my happy place back to where it should be!

The Fine Art of Fundraising

2011-06-17T16:53:00.002-04:00

Hello, friends and family!

As some of you may know, over the last few years I have provided a stocked, open-air "art studio" at multiple festivals and events, free-of-charge to all attendees. It has allowed me to live my dream of making art available to those in the community who want to play and create, and to introduce new techniques and ideas to those wishing to learn. It has been a joy!

Alas, the EZ-Up canopy used to shelter the "art room" has suffered damage that has rendered it unusable, and we will need a replacement if Art For All is to continue. I wish I could do it alone...but I need your help!

For those who have enjoyed the Art Room in the past, and for those who believe in the value of the arts in our communities, this is a chance to express your support. I will continue to provide what supplies I can, but shelter is essential to this mission.

Each donor will receive a postcard print of one of my original photographs as a thank you. If you would like to contribute another way, prints of my photos taken at Schreiber's Farm in Oxford, CT over the years are available here: http://albums.phanfare.com/isolated/3GoKWp1W/1/5148857. Proceeds from any sales there will also go toward this goal.

To donate, click on the "ChipIn" link below!

Many thanks to all who chose to help!

<3 love and blessings,
Nici

NaNoJouMo - the end of the beginning

2010-11-30T22:06:00.007-05:00

Technically, today marks the end of National Nonstop Journaling Month, but it has become such a valuable way for me to dedicate time every day toward creative endeavors, I plan to continue at the same pace.

I have completed 10 2-page spreads this month, and have only 4 pages left in this Moleskine I have been working my way through for over two years. I am excited to crack open a fresh one in time for the new year!

My apologies for the less-than-sharp images...scanner is down and had to make do with camera...

Overheard in the Mental Cafeteria

2010-11-15T22:48:00.005-05:00

I worry a bit that one day I will run out of ideas. That I will sit down with paper and pen and everything I try to create is something I have already done. I do have certain styles and colors, materials and themes I stick to more than others. Does this mean I am restricting ideas, if I limit myself to my "comfort zone"? Or will I feel more inhibited even if I push myself to go into unfamiliar territory, as though the lack of the familiar would cause some sort of creative freeze?

Maybe I should wait and see if that day without ideas ever actually dawns. It is very possible I am wasting a perfectly good worry on this.

Newest NaNoJouMo artjournal pages:

NaNoJouMo - evidence of creativity

2010-11-09T21:33:00.003-05:00

SO glad I jumped onto the National Non-stop Journaling Month bandwagon; it has given me that little nudge each day to make room for creativity. I have been working in the evenings (after the kids are asleep,) and usually while sitting in bed. It has become a little treat I save for myself, and look forward to, this quiet and cozy arting and unwinding ritual. That being said, I want to blog quickly...since I want to climb into bed and get back to the fun! So, here are some of my latest pages...I am really digging the organic forms that unfurled from the fabric "wish pocket" (a gift from artist Glenda Miles that I wanted to incorporate into my journal in some way); I can see more of those forms happening in the future!

The journalling journey begins...

2010-11-04T21:51:00.005-04:00

...sort of. I know this is supposed to be a low-pressure, don't try to do a whole page each time kind of deal, but four days in, and I have not even a 2 page spread complete. This frustrates me, because one of my favorite things to do is to SHARE what I have created, and right now, I have nothing new yet...so will instead settle for "recent". And soon, I am confident there will be NEW to share as well.

Who else wants to give this challenge a whirl? Dawn has some great prompts on her blog for days when you get "stuck"... you can read more about NaNoJouMo there.

Coming out of the fog of depression has been so rewarding this week, not just creatively, but here at home, where I find my energy is up, my focus is sharper, and my follow-through on ideas and projects is (though far from ideal) much improved. Today I cleaned out a whole closet! And installed new shelves! And storage cubes! So very proud of myself. :)

A fresh start, an old pattern, a new challenge.

2010-11-02T21:23:00.008-04:00

Over a year. Really? Over a year since I blogged?Then again it feels like 10. It feels like multiple lifetimes.
It feels like a good time to start again.

This post may well be long. And it may tread into some dark territory. But I hope putting it out there helps me move forward, since that is what I want and need to do.
I found myself inspired over the weekend by the murmurings of my writer friends getting their engines revved for NaNoWriMo 2010. I toyed with the idea of giving it a shot, but had to reluctantly reign in my enthusiasm, which flew headlong (along with other plans) into the brick wall that yesterday showed itself to be. Well, not just yesterday. Most days. It seems like that, anyway.
My life is riddled with speed bumps, detours, roadblocks and washouts. I know it to be true, but have a hard time accepting it. I know that everyone travels a road fraught with trials and hardships, and I make no claim to have it harder than anyone else. I just know when it is hard for ME.
I have a difficult time looking these things in the eye, these things people know about me and my children, the things we wrestle with together...or alone. These things which I try to outrun, or grin-and-bear, or make light of, or crumble under. The neuro-psychological challenges that my sons, and myself, navigate with are not unique; the world is awash with others who live this sort of life. I just struggle to come to terms with it for myself. It's not what I wanted. It gets in the way of what I want. I am childishly furious about that, but feel ungracious if I say aloud.
Almost everyone has had a brush with Bipolarity...in families, or friends...in the headlines...or in their own body, their own mind.
Bipolar is a word that, if you throw it out there, can be a bit like a pinata. Bust it open, and you will see that all sorts of associations will fall out, for all kinds of people.

What phrases, what stories, what images fall at your feet when that word is manifested?

Passion. Fear. Danger. Drive. Creativity...

The friend who took their life. The girl at work who talks too much.
Recklessness. Loss. Imbalance. Delusion. The uncle with a gambling problem.
Confusion. Joy. Tragedy. Achievement. Frustration.

Your mother. Your neighbor.
Your cousin. Your spouse.
Anger.
Hopelessness. Determination. Support.

Abandonment.

Triumph.The published author. The prize winning athlete.
The young man at the homeless shelter, thanking you for the piece of cake you just served him.

Medication. Research. Doctors. Asylums.
Education. Therapy. Hope.
Your child.
Yourself.
It's a lot, isn't it? And just a sampling.

Truthfully, when my son was diagnosed 5 years ago, I was horrified and scared, mostly because I felt like I was suddenly driving my life-mobile with a blindfold on. Well-meaning people were saying "go left, go right, slow down, speed up!" ..and it was all I could do not to just STOP. But mom has to keep going; that's what mom does. She keeps going.

I have traveled through worlds since then. Special Education law, medication trials, social issues, family distress and crisis; the members of our little clan were like emotional refugees, blindsided by the reality of a brutal mental-health war right in our home. We have come a long way; the smoke has cleared, but we are not fooled. The battles continue.

In all my travels through the unpredictable landscape of mental illness, the hardest thing for me to make peace with is my own diagnosis, which came a year after my son's. I am open about it; I tell almost everyone. I think this is a defense thing that I do; I let people know up front, perhaps thinking I can demonstrate that "bipolar" does not mean deranged, shifty, hyper, or delusional -- at least, not in my case. I also think it is perhaps an apology in advance for anything I may do that is less than thoughtful. I am painfully aware that I talk far too much, but I also know that the drive to keep talking is often greater than the awareness of the need to shut the hell up for a while. My friends put up with a lot.
I love my friends for this; they accept me in all my forms, and support me in all my struggles. I keep a lot to myself, however, when the depression comes, because I don't want to scare them away. And the depression arrived several weeks ago, full- on, like a horrific house guest that forced its way through the door and flopped its massive weight down on my shoulders. I maneuvered with difficulty through the day despite it, because...well.. I had to. It was impossible to hide after a while: it hung around me like a toxic smog, making everyone miserable. It moaned and groaned in my ear, it cursed and hurled insults at me. It refused to budge. It demanded attention, then wanted to be left alone. It told me not to answer the phone. To cancel appointments. It slowly took over, until I was in some kind of state of paralysis: I felt dull, disconnected, tired, lost, defeated. I had been robbed of my real self, and had no idea how to get back.

When you are in that place, the last thing you want to hear is that you are no longer getting it right. You spend so much effort trying to hold up a mask of competence and functionality that when someone calls your bluff, and suggests you need help, you resent them for being critical, judging you in all your brokenness, pointing out the total cave-in your authentic self has suffered. How dare they!
The people who have the balls to step up and tell you point-blank that you need help are either just such assholes...or they love you an extraordinary amount. They will say it over and over until you hear it. Shame and fear and self-loathing and disappointment and frustration will try to drown it out, but still they will confront you. And if you finally start to listen, if you can hear the love through all that noise...you can start to move forward again.

I married that guy. The guy who goes through it all, with his nutty wife and his wacky kids, and still keeps trying to hold it together when it all falls apart. I spin brutal storms when I am turned around by my topsy-turvy chemistry, and everyone in my wake, everyone I love, is caught in the fallout. But this extraordinary man has come and plucked me from the wreckage, over and over, year after year. And we try again. How's that for a love story?

So.So now I am no longer drowning; my medications have been adjusted and I have been stabilized; my life-mobile just needed it's wheels aligned. Which is why it seems like a good time for a fresh start. A jump back into the blogosphere. And a new challenge.

Today I discovered there is a NaNoJouMo, a challenge to journal daily. I am an avid art journalist, so I am all over this. I will need to catch up a bit, as I am two days behind...but I am ready to jump in. Between the blog and the journaling, I am hoping to keep track of myself better, and encourage my authentic self to come out into the light.

Soul Collage Workshops

2009-10-06T12:13:00.002-04:00

At last I am pulling together the pieces to make this happen. Some sacred space, supplies, friends and collage...visit my NEW site, www.artshapedworld.com to see more. Email me at artshapedmail@gmail.com to be on my mailing list!

Up for grabs

2009-05-28T12:02:00.006-04:00

At the first two weekends of the Midsummer Magick Rennaisance Faire this summer in Oxford CT. ArtShapedWorld will be teaming up with EyeCandyLtd to create AlchemyWorks, where you can find my work as well as beautiful items created by Marsha Sisson of ECL. Hope you can stop by!

Where did it go?

2009-05-11T20:38:00.003-04:00

The last four months, I mean. Has it really been that long since I put up a post? Over the last 12 or so week I have been creating on two fronts. I have been generating inventory for the upcoming Forest Folk Festival (www.forestfolkfest.com) where I will be vending, as well as running a workshop. On another front, I have been immersing myself in the world of SoulCollage®. This has been a real joy and a true heart-opening experience. The best part was a retreat in April with Anne Marie Bennett of Kaleidosoul , where I received my certification as a SoulCollage® facilitator. Next step: bringing the process to the community where I live! So this summer I will be exploring ways to create SoulCollage® groups and workshops. Should be interesting to see if i am able to get it pulled together! Here are just a few of the cards I have created so far. If you would like to learn more about SoulCollage, here is the linkydinky for more info: http://www.soulcollage.com/home/index.php

Here it is...

2009-01-22T12:29:00.005-05:00

...the project I have been working on bit by bit.. My Etsy shop.
I have had this shop for a while now, but never really pushed ahead to bring it fully to life.

I am asking folks to do a kindness for me, and if they feel so inclined, to share the link to the shop with others, or to pop it into a blogpost. This is not entirely for shameless promotion, but to help me create both an awareness of and a contribution to a cause that means a great deal to me.

Many of you know my family has some unique challenges. My oldest son has Asperger's Syndrome, a form of autism, and my youngest has a diagnosis of Bipolar/ADHD. My middle son, thus far branded "neurotypical" still faces the endless rollercoaster of life with two unusual siblings. Needless to say, life here is never dull.

It is with these challenges in mind I have set up my shop in such a way that 10% of all proceeds will be donated to CABF, The Child and Adolescent Bipolar Foundation, which works hard on behalf of my som, as well as countless other children diagnosed with a neuro-psych disability. SO even if you don't shop, maybe someone who sees the link will. I consider every purchase to be a gesture of support for the cause as well as my kiddos, and I thank you most sincerely.

Here is the link; do swing by...

ArtShapedWorld

Is there a difference...

2008-12-31T21:56:00.003-05:00

...between winding down and winding up? The year is winding down to a close, and the day is winding up its last hours. Outside, it is cold and blustery, today's powdery snow swirling under the orange-y streetlamp glow. The children are sleeping, and the husband is out with friends for the night, so I will be ringing in the new year on my own. That's not a problem. I don't know that I have ever done that before,at least, not to my recollection. It thrills me just a bit, truth be told. I get to welcome the fresh year any way I choose. With a song and a dance, with a candle and a prayer, or with a sigh and a dream, already asleep.

Winding down, winding up...has this year been nothing more than an unravelling of hours? I try to remember how I went through it; sometimes striding, sometimes crawling, sometimes tumbling end-over-end, like an empty carton propelled down a sidewalk on a windy day...all the time moving forward, onward. Am I pushed, or am I pulled?

wind down
1. To diminish gradually in energy, intensity, or scope: The party in her head wound down as her best ideas began to leave.
2. To relax; unwind: time to unwind, before the next wave hits

wind up

1. To come or bring to a finish; end: by the time her story wound up; would she ever wind up a project.
2. To put in order; settle: she wound up her affairs before leaving the planet.
3. To arrive in a place or situation after or because of a course of action: she took a long walk and wound up at a place much like where she began...only far later then she had ever expected.

A year can feel like a long trek, or a short flight. It can feel like a series of exuberant leaps or a slow swim through murky waters. This year had a few installments of each. But this year winds down and ends for me with this:

From my last post, a windfall of extraordinary feedback, in form of comments and emails, that have knocked my heart right of its shelf. To all of you who wrote, who thanked me for telling my story, who gave a shout of encouragement and words of compassion, and who shared their own hurt for their children...humble thanks don't even cut it. I don't think I ever would have guessed so many folks would know the bittersweet song I thought I sang alone. Seems many of us know the words and melody too well. But by the same token, the more we reach out to one another, the more the world around us can hear and learn. My heart hopes for this.

From my editor, a letter telling me a story I have written will be published in an upcoming anthology in May 2009 for parents of children with special needs. Any mom can tell you, her kids are a favorite topic, and any writer can tell you, to be chosen for publication is a thrill like none other. Put those things together and it is a heady cocktail indeed. I drink a toast to everyone who encourages me with me writing AND my parenting!

And I wind up starting my new year with these:

A family I love and friends I treasure,
A spiritual path I honor and a natural world that astounds me,
A warm home, good food, good health, hope and humor,
Hands that can make art, and can play drums, and can comfort
Feet that explore and dance
Ears that drink in music and stories
Lips that can speak about all my blessings and sing the blues when need be,
Eyes that take in what each moment offers in order I might better understand,

And a heart that knows what is true:

Love is the only thing not trapped in the hourglass.
May it surround you every day of every year of your life.

Blessed be.

Last night...

2008-12-05T10:41:00.004-05:00

...was one of those painful ones. One of the ones where "fake-normal" caved in and the raw, surreal insides of our family were left exposed to a less than receptive audience. Next door to us is a family of five, like ours, but with a glaring exception: none of their children are autistic, and none of them are mentally ill.

They know our situation, and they know our youngest's diagnosis, that he attends a special school. They know he can be odd and socially awkward. He can drive people a bit batty with his incessant chatting and one-man shows he acts out to himself on the sidewalk in front of our house.

They keep to themselves and their own social circle for the most part. They never come over to say hello, though they will wave that "hey" kind of wave you give a neighbor when our cars pass each other. They don't ask us about our son, they seem to have no questions about why he is how he is. I have tried awkwardly to explain him, but it is hard when you know the person listening really did not ask in the first place, like you are making excuses. That it is your problem, not theirs.

We live on a culdesac. Our house is right on the circle, as is theirs. They keep a basketball hoop on the edge of the road, and our son is excited when they come out to play. He runs over to interract, but really does not know how. They don't invite him to play, and usually abandon their game in the face of his efforts at friendship, which can be disconcerting, like him wanting to recount the plot of the Spongebob movie and asking them if they thought certain parts were funny.

Last night he was wandering about the culdesac like he often does...this time with a little stretchy kids necklace as a toy, one with tiny colored wooden beads and thin elastic, like a candy necklace has. He was swinging it about, reciting lines from Spongebob, and flinging it forward and back like a tiny, ineffective whip. A few feet away, the neighbor kids were shooting hoops, and Noah was becoming irritating, it seems. All this was happening while I was inside. I always assumed if there were ever a serious problem, my doorbell would ring. I was wrong.

It seems when the 12 year old boy reported to his dad that Noah was whipping him with something, Dad responded by marching out the door and snarling at my son, "You hit someone, Noah, and someone is going to hit you back!"

When I first heard the terrified screaming, I thought Noah had been injured. I ran down the hall as he tore into the house, and met him halfway, trying to understand what was wrong as he wailed incoherently. When it came out that the Dad had said this, I was in disbelief. Had a grown man really threatened a neurologically and mentally disabled 8 yr old? I could not conceive of what terrible thing Noah could have had done that would call for that kind of response. I was horrified, too, to realize I was going to have to go over there, and talk to this man about it. I HATE conflict. Angry people scare me. Confrontation terrifies me.

It was one of those moments when I am called upon to be an Extraordinary Mom. To have to try to educate someone (an angry someone) about my far-from-typical child. I was going to have to say outloud the words I hate to say, but that are painfully true: "mentally ill", "emotionally immature", "cognitively disabled" "neurologically impaired".

Having to be my Extraordinary Mom self, instead of my fake-ordinary mom self, kind of makes me ill, makes me shake, because I have to take her public and wear the crown of the Special Needs Family, my happy go lucky exterior exposed as a sham. I have to show everyone that things are beyond my control and all broken on the inside.

I walked the longest walk of my life across my lawn to their house, where Mom and kids sat on the front steps. I smiled as I swallowed bile and said I wanted to come over to help make sense of why people were feeling upset, what had happened. I explained that yes, Noah was swinging the tiny necklace around, but was not intending to hurt anyone. Mom said she never thought he was. I explained my main concern was that Noah thought Dad had told him someone at their house was going to hit him.

At this point Dad appeared from behind the open door, arms folded, scowling, ready for a fight. He announced with righteous ire, yeah, thats right, I did, and I don't see a problem with telling him that because it is the truth. He is always out here alone. No one watches him, and he is always waving sticks around and talking loudly at everyone. If he hits someone he's going to get hit back, thats just the way it works, and he needs to understand that.

I took a deep shaking breath and tried to collect my thoughts. I said, since he was not actually trying to hit anyone, he took your words to mean, you accidently hit someone, and I am coming to hit you.

He loves the outdoors and wants to be out here and is content to entertain himself, often outloud, with imaginary play. Sometimes he uses sticks as swords or lightsabers. He is a lot like a four year old in an eight year olds body.

Dad exhaled impatiently as I went on, I do keep an eye on him and am not ignoring or neglecting him in any way, but just trying to give myself a few moments to breathe and maybe attend to my other two sons while he is happily occupied. I said, I understand your frustration, believe me. I live with this little guy. He is exhausting, but...

With a final grab at my flagging courage, I said firmly, It is NOT appropriate for an adult to angrily threaten a mentally ill and cognitively impaired 8 year old, especially if that adult is AWARE of the child's disability. And I would hate to think you would be ok with any of your children responding to a problem with a disabled child by hitting that child.

You need to come to me when you are concerned. You need to talk to me when you have questions, or need to understand what he is thinking when he does innappropriate things. I WANT you to ask questions and bring your concerns, and your children too, if they need to. I cannot read your minds, and cannot help find solutions to problems I am not told about by a calm adult.

You cannot expect this child to absorb your anger and make sense of it, and adjust his behavior and become normal. You can't look to him to solve the problem. He can't. He is not able to. He never will be.

Dad put his hands in his pockets, and nodded, though still frowning. Was he actually getting it?

I plowed on:
Please understand, this is our reality. I wish more than anything in this world, my child could understand and fit in. That he could have a happy childhood, instinctively know how to play with other kids. That he could know what it feels like to be accepted. Here is the awful truth I live with: I cannot give my child that. No matter how hard I wish. The best I can do is build a team of supportive people around him, around us, to help teach him, and maybe help him survive this life.

He needs you on his side. We need you on our team. This child needs neighbors who will stand up for him, and try to help him, not berate and reject him.

At this point, I lost my hold on my tears and my voice broke, and I found to my horror that I was actually pleading with them.

Please. I can't do this alone. Please be part of the team that helps this kid succeed. I'm just an ordinary mom trying to do an extraordinary thing. I need all the help I can get.

Certainly, ok, of course, they awkwardly agreed, now that I was in tears. Don't worry about it, don't worry about it, its no big deal.

I went over to my son, who had crept up behind us and was standing about 20 feet away in the darkened street. I took him by the hand and said, would you like to say sorry for swinging the necklace carelessly? I know you meant no harm, but it is polite to make peace if someone is upset.

He nodded and we walked over, where he said a firm, I am sorry for swinging that necklace and making you upset.

Oh honey, its ok said Mom.
Dad said nothing.

We turned and went home.

I am telling this story because I had a sort of epiphany later that night, when I thought about how hard it had been to go stand up for my son, how afraid I was of the rejection and the intolerance. Parenting my son has made me go face to face with all the things that frighten me, that horrify me, that exhaust me.

I did not plan on having to be Extraordinary Mom.
Just mom. Ordinary. But I had no choice. I had to accept the job.

Then it occured to me...
They just wanted to be ordinary neighbors.
And I was asking if they would be willing to change their expectations of what it means to be a neighbor.

I was asking them to accept the job of Extraordinary Neighbors.

They did not ask for the job.
They have a choice.
I wonder what they will choose?

The more I thought along this vein the more I realized that, for all the people in our lives who turned such a job down, or had quit when it was too hard, my life was full of people who had already volunteered for the job, fought to keep the job. Loved the job.

Extraordinary family.
Extraordinary friends.
Extraordinary teachers.
Extraordinary neighbors.
Extraordinary advocates.

Even Extraordinary Strangers.

What sets them apart is that they willingly step out of their comfort zone to help someone who is too overwhelmed or self-conscious to even ask. They love us when we are unlovable, encourage us when we are giving up, pull us up when we have fallen face-down, hug us and dry our tears, and let us know we are really doing a good job under the circumstances.

I cannot expect everyone to accept that kind of job.
Its not for the faint of heart.

But to those who have,

thank you

thank you

thank you

from the bottom of my tired but grateful heart,

For embracing all the difficult moments you encounter by being in our lives.
For not leaving me alone out here when ordinary seems so far away.

And for reminding me that maybe ordinary is not what I want to be, anyway,
when you show me what Extraordinary really looks like.

If you don't know Chrysti...

2008-12-02T21:51:00.003-05:00

...you should.

Chrysti is one of those people whose energy and creativity can sort of transfix you, like a fireworks show. It'll humble you, too, because she is so damn talented, and seems to be a source of endless ideas and inspirations.

I know Chrysti enough to know sometimes she burns the candle at both ends, and I worry about her sometimes when she takes on so much. Then she boggles my mind by getting a second, or third wind, and urging others to keep reaching for the next big thing along with her.

Chrysti knows me enough to know that I am enormously proud to display her amazing work in my home, and that to me, she stands for more than just creativity, she stands for successful creativity, something I hold in my heart as a hope for my sons one day, especially my youngest, who struggles with bipolar disorder at the young age of 8. His creativity is boundless and a bit wild right now, but I know what that creativity has the potential to be, and that his diagnosis need not define nor limit him.

Right now Chrysti is having a fantastic giveaway extravaganza at her blog, and I urge you to go see what it (and she) is all about. She says she has not made much time to give, but I would beg to correct her. She gives me more than I think she knows, just by doing all she does.

Go now, jump in to the fun:

http://chrysti.wordpress.com/

Above artwork: "Not Quite Right" copyright 2007, Chrysti Hydek
from my personal collection

Funny: You're Doing it Wrong.

2008-10-17T11:08:00.004-04:00

Dennis Leary is publishing a new book with the very clever title: Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid. Of course, this from a guy whose stand up shows have names like "No Cure for Cancer", so its par for the course, really. Yet there is a chapter in the book that has created quite the uproar, a chapter in which Mr. Leary weighs in on the uptick in the rate of autism diagnosis in the country. His take is this:

"There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically, so they throw money into the happy laps of shrinks…to get back diagnoses that help explain away the deficiencies of their junior morons.
I don't give a [bleep] what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you—yer kid is NOT autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both."

Well. I can see why thousands of parents of spectrum kids are outraged at the suggestion that their child's struggles, not to mention those of their whole family unit, is a result of self-absorbed and uncaring parents. The public outcry was followed by statements from Mr.Leary and his publicist that were presented as an apology:

"The bulk of the chapter deals with grown men who are either self-diagnosing themselves with low-level offshoots of the disease or wishing they could as a way to explain their failed careers and troublesome progeny.
Of course, this entire misunderstanding can be easily avoided simply by doing one thing—reading the book. Taking one or two sentences out of context— especially when it involves an entire chapter devoted to the subject—is unfair and ill-advised.
Too often in this country, everything gets reduced to simple sound bites and very very often those sound bites are not truly representative of an author or artist's point of view."

I can easily agree we can be easily provoked by the soundbites we are fed. What disturbs me is the suggestion that his ill-concieved "humor" about families dealing with autism will be made clear to me if I would just read the book. If I buy the book, and it still is not clear, do I get my money back? How is it only the inflamatory lines have appeared in mainstream media? I would have more readily embraced the idea that this was a true apology if the whole chapter had been offered up for a frame of reference, or at least a few more lines from it. Not the whole book; I know he wants to sell the book and defend his right to do so. I suppose he is also within his rights to say nasty things and not apologize at all. I wish he would try harder to redeem himself, because I almost feel like he insulted me twice: once for my inept parenting, and then again for taking his unpleasant words "out of context" and telling me that to do so is "unfair and ill-advised" . I just cannot fathom any context where those words would not insult me. Yes, the words from his book shocked and hurt me. They made me want to call him on the phone and say, listen, that's really not how it is for most of us. For most of us, it hurts and is hard and is scary, and our child's wiring was not our doing, but a biochemical anomaly. For most of us it has meant years, day after day, of a high intensity reality that often defies description. To have our daily lives made light of, dismissed, mocked, belittled...? Ok, that stings.

What also bothers me is this. Mr.Leary is an abrasive, insenstive comic, and that is his approach to the medium... but he's also smart enough to know this chapter would be focused on by insulted and angry families, as well as folks who doubt the veracity of the autism diagnosis. He could easily bank on the media and the public to shine a light on his book either way, and here it is, in the spotlight. The statements made in the book seem calculated to go beyond "rub-you-the-wrong-way" comedy and into a highly manipulative zone. Provocative comedy is nothing new, but this smacks of a devious way of securing free publicity, not a sincere desire to get people thinking about Autism more critically. What disappoints me, too, is that I had a lot of appreciation for Mr.Leary before, for his community involvement and his comedy, but I lost that when he chose to present Autism to his readership in such an ugly manner. I am sad about that.

I do not know the exact cause of my son's autism, but I do know it is not due to my parenting skills. I also know it is the strength of my parenting skills that will help him successfully live as an autist in a neurotypical world. Believe me, I never dreamed I would be facing such a task as a mom. I thought I had signed up for the perils of plain ol' Mommyhood. As an added adventure, I got a special kid did not come with special training classes for mom! Every day brings challenges, but we face them, do our best.

I take my job seriously, but still have a sense of humor. I enjoyed a lot of Mr.Leary's material. This, sadly, never evolved past meanspirited into funny. And I am thinking no apology can ever get it there.

Prolific

2008-10-10T14:15:00.004-04:00

I have been in the studio the last 3 weeks creating shiny things like a madwoman. If I cannot get into a local craft fair, I may have a home show. I have over 100 gamepiece pendants and about 30 bracelets...so lets hope there are some customers for them!

I don't know

2008-09-26T06:08:00.004-04:00

...what her name is. I have not met her, either. She is the coworker of a friend, and is someone they are all worried about. She is in a fight for her life against Breast Cancer. My friend told me there was a plan to create a basket of gifts, and she wanted to commission a journal. I was glad to, I said, but only if I could donate it. Some things needs to be given, not sold. I created this:

Please take a moment to send good thoughts and prayers her way...whoever she is, wherever she lives. She is one of so many fighting this battle.

And please, take a moment, click here. One click is all it takes to provide free mammograms for those unable to afford them:

And please, lastly, be vigilant. Take care of yourself. Whoever you are, wherever you are.

Warm Fuzzies

2008-09-15T08:48:00.002-04:00

I got them today when my grooviest of friends, Holly, gave me this award.

How nice is that?? Here is my favorite part, of course, which is to send you wandering into the blogosphere to see some blogs you might not have seen before...so here goes! (Oh, and for those I have passed the award on to, here are your instructions...)

1.The winner can put the logo on their blog

2. Link the person from whom you received your

. Nominate at least 7 other blogs

4. Link those blogs to yours

5. Leave a message on the blogs of the people you nominated.

:
1) NyteRayn's wonderful ElementalCraft blog, where you will find an array of crafty goodness, tutorials, book reviews and more. Plus she makes adorable stuffies!
2) IkeaHacker...you would not believe what people come up with! (I am extra fond of this site because they showed a hack of mine once!)
3)Deb Silva will keep you Creatively Amused; she is a wonder! Felting, painting, collage...I love her work.
4) Wierd and Wild- check out MsKitty Fantastico!
5) The ridiculously talented Paulette Insall

6.
7.

Ok I know I am supposed to put two more, but I am feeling kind of crummy today, so maybe you can help me out? Please leave a link or two in a comment, sites you like that I might like too, and I will chose 2 for the remaining slots. For now, I am going to grab 40 winks. ;)

2,974/ 24/ 90/ 1

2008-09-11T09:57:00.003-04:00

2,974 lives lost.
24 missing.
Citizens of 90 different countries.
One September morning.

I remember.

Remember September Mail Art Call:

Remember September is a mail art project which was developed by Gail Ellspermann to commemorate, on an annual basis, the tragic attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. The idea is to decorate an envelope with artwork remembering and honoring the victims, rescue workers, and countless volunteers affected by 9/11. Then, bring it to your post office on September 11 and ask for a hand cancel.

The envelopes will never be opened so you may include a private note, poem, or prayer as part of your memorial. The envelopes are being collected and will be exhibited at various venues.

GUIDELINES:
Create a piece of "mail art" on any size envelope which is relevant to 9/11, the victims, heroes, and/or events of the day.

Use any type of media, such as: collage, digital art, crayon, marker, pencil, paint

Address your envelope to: Remember September, PO Box 793, Katonah, NY 10536

Mail your envelope on September 11, 2008, if at all possible. Please mail no later than 9/18/07.

Include your name and snail mail address on the BACK of the envelope to be included in a mailing of posters of the 2008 submissions and to be entered into a drawing for a free CD of all images (100 will be given away)

Greener pastures

2008-08-25T16:45:00.009-04:00

Getting into the start of the school year is bittersweet. I know autumn is preparing for her annual visit and summer is looking to move on in a few short weeks. I know we have some time left, and that the warm, sweet days are not done yet, but I do feel a tug of anxiety at letting go of all that green outside.

I spent the last week immersed in it, up it the Green Mountains of Vermont, revelling in the cool breezes up there on the mountainside trails, wandering alone through lush, emerald woods on curving pathways through the ferns.

I spent time gathering up wildflowers by the roadside when traveling, tucking them into a water bottle until I could bring them back to put them by my bed.

I enjoyed an afternoon strolling through the neat lines of vineyard arbors, their branches dressed with new fruit and scores of japanese beetles, who clustered on the leaves engaged in indecent insect acrobatics.

I drew in deep breaths of the fresh wind that danced across Lake Champlain in the bright sun, the blue water dazzling, the blue sky as startling as a happy shout, and I ran my eyes along the Adirondack mountains that line the distant New York coast.

I watched an evening thunderstorm consume the mountain opposite our balcony, rolling in dressed in ominous purple and indigo robes and shutting out the twilight sky;

in the morning, a shroud of heavy grey cloud had been draped gently over the mountainface, and the rain was still falling, softly this time.

All these things I try to fold up and tuck into the corners of my mind like a colorful quilt for when it is cold outside, for when the trees stand naked and the air stings with a frosty snap, and the world is painted in blues and greys.

I plan to take them out and wrap myself in them, a cloak to weather the seasons as they turn, turn, turn.

The Wild Side

2008-08-08T07:56:00.008-04:00

Yesterday evening, I witnessed a wildness in the weather that I had not seen here in Connecticut before. I have seen my share of storms; even a hurricane when I lived in Puerto Rico as a child. This, though, was no ordinary summer storm. It churned up in a matter of minutes, bearing down on the neighboring city of Bridgeport, triggering a tornado watch here in our town. The wind barrelled in, lashing the trees with heavy rain. I watched out the window in amazement as the rain turned over to hail, small as lemon pips to start, but soon becoming larger.

Soon, hailstones the size of hazelnuts were bouncing as the hit the lawn, clanging angrily on the air conditioners, and dimpling hubby's car with the impact of their descent.

They splashed into the massive pools of water that had appeared in our lawn, making it look as though they were stocked with leaping trout.

The hail brought with it a fiercer wind, and between both forces, leaves were being shredded all around, torn from the trees and whirling madly in the maelstrom: I felt like we were in some horrible snowglobe-slash-salad spinner, as I watched the thousands of green scraps hurtling in circles through air now white with density of the rain.

The trees down the street became invisible. And I admit, I got scared. This was fury I had not seen in a storm before. We sent the children to the basement and closed all the windows. We watched the lights flicker repeatedly, and hoped the cats had found a safe place to hunker down, since calling them at the start of the storm had proven futile.

In the backyard, muddy water sluiced through from our neighbor's yard, like a frantic river trying madly to outrun itself, and our walkway of stepping stones vanished under the rising water.

When things finally quieted down, I took a look at the astounding mess outside. Shredded leaves clung to every surface like wet confetti, and hailstones had accumulated at the edges of walkways and steps, in the wooded areas behind the house.

They even floated like ice cubes in a cold drink in the puddles on the patio.

Large branches had been beaten from the trees;some hung akwardly from the roof of the shed while others were scattered over the lawn. The air was heavy with the smell of earth and fresh greens; the perfume of pines and poplars, the chlorophyll beaten out of them and into the air.

It was magnificent, and humbling, and had us on the edge of our seats for the whole show (the cats most of all, who were ecstatic to be back in the warm house when the show was over.)

Nature is a grand diva when she wants to be, and when she wants to take a walk on the wild side, sometimes we have no choice but to tag along.

Prayer Flags

2008-07-30T06:38:00.004-04:00

This is a swap from the EC that I recently hosted. The creations were incredible! I am sending out the returns today to the players; I hope they enjoy them as much as I have. Here are three of my own, and a few from the other artists. How lucky am I to get to play with such talented women?

Artist: Corrine Davis

Artist: Kathy Ogg

Artist:Pattie Mosca

Guts

2008-07-26T09:26:00.004-04:00

Do you know how much courage it takes to put a picture of your feet up on your blog? I questioned myself a bit before doing it, and wondered about my hesitation. What am I afraid of?
My feet have served me well in my life; I should be proud to claim them. They have allowed me to climb trees and fences, to rollerskate and spring from the high dive, to bicycle and run on the beach, tiptoe into the tide. They have walked me across a stage to my diploma, down the aisle to my husband, and up and down the corridor of the maternity ward once, twice, three times for three sons. My feet are worthy of honor, yes indeed. However, they also deserve to be pampered in a brief Photoshop session to preserve their dignity!

All this because I wanted to share what I made. I saw these creations in various Etsy shops and thought that they were a very cute idea. They are called barefoot sandals. Essentially, a bit of jewelry for your feet. They resemble flip-flops, but are soleless, which I love, since flip-flops hurt my feet, and I prefer to go barefoot anyway.

So, a little gift for my feet, to honor them. I will dress them up next weekend, and they will dance around the fire in the forest where my tribe and I will meet to celebrate the summer.

Another one?

2008-07-14T09:21:00.007-04:00

I am very honored indeed, to have been given this award. The fact that my blog is of enough interest to even be read brings me pleasure, but to know it is consider worthy of special recognition from my peers brings me no end of happiness. A heartfelt thank you to sweetmango for the honor. She has two wonderful blogs worthy of your time, especially if you love beautiful art, and if standing up for the oppressed, human and animal alike, matters to you. Here is one of her paintings; isn't it breathtaking?
copyright sweetmango 2008

Now it is my turn to pass this award on to 7 bloggers who inspire me, and whose posts and creativity I think will inspire you, too! Go now, and visit ( and comment!):

Mallory Matson is an exceptionally talented photographer and writer. Don't let her age fool you; her blog is insightful and rich with poetry (and if you are lucky, Jeff Buckley or Joni Mitchell will be playing), and her photostream is riddled with picture after picture of evocative imagery and beautiful faces. I cannot wait to see her continue to grow as an artist; her talents already shine so bright.
copyright Mallory Matson 2007
copyright Mallory Matson 2007

Chrysti has long been an inspiration to me; I consider her a sister-in-art. I am blessed to have her art showcased in rooms around my home, and am forever in awe of her ambition, growth and accomplishments. Be sure to check out her shop on Etsy, and here.

My friend, the wonderful and intelligent Debra, makes the most delicious bracelets and shares sparkly bits of wisdom with the world...you can visit her here and see the wrist-candy here!

For anyone who likes a good giggle and a bit of NY meets Hollywood dish, this is the blog for you. Dish is my bestest friend from wayyyy back (think 80's hair) and is a fantastic NYC writer, diva, and all-around goddess.

Recently Rose honored me with a Web Award, so it is nice to be able to bestow one back. Her blog, A Walk in The Woods, frequently leaves me hungry for a fresh repast, and her Etsy shop has some lovely lovelies to browse through.

One of my favorite people and artists, the talented Gene Black lives in the ever-hospitable South where he paints, doodles, and quilts. Like me, Gene is a Sharpie Scout and chocoholic, 2 of many reasons why he is dear to my heart.

And last, but certainly not least, I cannot describe Spike's blog better than she does, so here it is : "a madwoman's lunchbox" -- a melange of colors, textures, or styles that do not commingle gracefully. "Madwoman's Lunchbox" -- a blog about fiber, photos, and stream of consciousness. because, after all, that's just what the worldwide web needs.

So now each of these bloggers gets the pleasure of selecting favorites blogs of their own to honor!

The rules of accepting are as follows:

1) Put the logo on your blog
2) Add a link to the person who awarded you
3) Nominate at least 7 other blogs
4) Add links to those blogs on yours
5) Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs.

Now Go! Read! Comment! Celebrate Bloggodiversity!

The Art of Forgiveness

2008-07-11T14:17:00.007-04:00

I am a self-described magpie; I adore shiny, interesting objects. I like to think of myself as a savvy collector of ecclectic items and fanciful objects. There are those in this house, however, who are more likely to say I am a "compulsive hoarder" of piles of "useless crap."

One woman's treasure another man's trash? Fair enough, I suppose.

I had a friend once tell me, "You see potential in everything! I never would have thought to make THAT out of THOSE!" Alas, my skill for seeing potential is not as well-honed as one might think. I have seen what I thought was "potential" in dying houseplants, ugly skirts, broken appliances and unsuitable men. So, instead, I like to think I am some sort of ambassador of Second Chances.

As is with most of us, my life has been frought with moments that really could have used the power of the Do-Over, if that option were available at the time. It has been rife with opportunities to forgive and be forgiven, to give it another go, to reapply for admission, to give back and to recycle.

Second chances (and third, and fourth) are important gifts we give ourselves and others. There is no force more powerful in the universe than forgiveness, and forgiveness is a second chance of the spirit. It is a laying down of burdens. Forgiveness is not condonment or approval when wrong has been done; it is setting yourself free from the weight of bitterness.

The act of forgiveness is simple, which is not to be confused with easy. It can be unspeakably hard. In some cases, for some folks, impossible. The one thing I have found in my own life is that it is a tool I have had to reach for over and over, and it is the one that does the best repairs, yet I am reluctant to use it on myself. Oh, we are hard on ourselves, many of us.

How do second chances apply to art, you say? How convenient of you to ask; I have the answer here. A picture frame for a beloved fellow Circus Freak of the EC, Maggie. Adorned with the flotsam and jetsam of the creative tides that wash into my studio, this piece is a showcase of repurposed ephemerma and embellishments. Broken jewelry, orphaned game pieces, single buttons, used postage stamps, bottle caps, and even a subway token, all share here a common bond: the second chance.

Is there someone you might try to forgive?

Is it yourself?

Humbled

2008-06-30T09:34:00.006-04:00

Talk about your nice surprises... I woke today to an email telling me I have been chosen for an Arte y Pico Award, which was created "to be given to bloggers who inspire others with their creative energy and their talents, be it writing or artwork in all medias."

What makes it especially gratifying is it is awarded from peer to peer, creative to creative. Mine was graciously bestowed by Rose of Walk in the Woods.I hope you will take a moment to visit each of the five blogs I've listed below which I have found to be inspirational, and perhaps leave a comment letting them know you stopped by!

Rose has presented me with the award and I would now like to present the award to the following five blogs.
To be listed is considered a “special honor.” The Arte y Pico Award is meant to be paid forward to bloggers who merit recognition for their creative efforts.

Zura's Blog (www.creativeclown.com)

Holly's Blog (www.groovyholly.blogspot.com)

Pattie's Blog (www.pjmosca.blogspot.com)

Lani's Blog (www.artistlanikent.blogspot.com)

Amy's Blog (www.amymasart.blogspot.com)

If you have been selected for the award, please pay it forward, following the steps below:
1) Choose 5 blogs that you consider deserving of this award based on creativity, design, interesting material, and overall contribution to the blogger community, regardless of the language.
2) Post the name of the author and a link to his or her blog so everyone can view it.
3) Each award-winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that has given her or him the award.
4) The award-winner and the presenter should post the link of the "Arte y pico" blog so everyone will know the origin of this award.  
5) Please post these rules!

The Arte y Pico blog is in Spanish. To read it in English, clickhere. The translation is not perfect.

Happy Creativity to all!

Expect the Unexpected

2008-06-29T13:02:00.004-04:00

Nothing feels better than being blindsided by something nice. I mean, life will creep up on us like a thug and knock us flat with all manner of problems, emergencies, connundrums and dilemmas, sometimes to the point where we sit vigil awaiting the next Awful Thing. Which is why the unexpected Nice Thing has such impact, even when they are small gifts from the universe. I wanted to share two that happily surprised me recently.

The first was late in the week when the remarkable Rose of Walk In The Woods let me know I had won her weekly giveaway, and it was a pair of the Spirit Cord necklaces she has in her Etsy shop I had only recently been coveting. They arrived in the mail yesterday. I added a silver lotus pendant I put together to the green one, and love the way it looks. Thank you, Rose!

The other Oh! moment came this morning when, after my walk in the hazy, early morning sun, I wandered my disaster of a yard mulling over my appalling gardening skills. I kid you not, my back yard is like a meadow. I guess nature is ok with the way I let things run amok, though...she surprised me with some out of control wild blackberry bushes that this morning yielded the first harvest. While I was picking them I discovered yet another surprise guest: a gangly Mulberry bush, also showing ripening berries.

Sweet surprise, earth mother; I thank you.

Visitors

2008-06-27T12:35:00.003-04:00

" It is June, wildflowers on the table.They are fresh an hour ago, like sliced lemons,with the whole day ahead of them."

- Stanley Plumly

I don't think I could say it better; I won't try. Each morning as I walk, I gather some of the prettier weedlings and herblettes that nod their heads at me from the edge of the sidewalk, or from behind the fences along the back end of the highschool football field. I don't even know most of their names, but am learning. Wild carrot? Red clover? Those I knew. But new to me today: white campion, butter-and-eggs (toadflax), Swamp Candles (Yellow Loosestrife), fleabane, Oriental Lady's Thumb, and Asiatic Dayflower. Identifying these just by online photos is tricky, and some I just have not found a match for. I am grateful though that the internet is giving me the gift of at least some knowledge...to call these by their name is so satisfying, especially now that they are my guests!

Talking to the trees

2008-06-19T09:08:00.010-04:00

I sure hope I am not the only one who does it. I may be the only one to admit it.

Each morning I am up at six and stumbling out the door, barely coherent, MP3 powered on, and I am off and walking. The nice thing about six am (some people think there is NOTHING nice about it) is that things are pretty still. By things, I mean, human things. And human beings. Cars and lawnmowers, shouting children; even other walkers or joggers are rare. I like this. I like that most of my town still has its eyes closed. My personal space becomes fantastically large; I can walk backward to look at things longer if I like. I can play air drums along with the music being piped into my ears. I can dance a little, sing under my breath, cross the street in the middle, and do a full-on freak-out if I happen to walk face first into a surprise spider's web, without fear of mortification.

Most of all, I can talk to the trees.

I wish I could find the right words to convey what I draw from the trees. I sense them breathing, almost, their energy permeating the morning, soothing me like a comforting hand. Each one is, to me, like a person, a character. And yes, as I said, I really do; I speak to them. Not outloud too often; mostly in my head. The old-growth elders of the tribe, massive and stately, exuding the wisdom of all that they have seen; I offer them my respect. Good morning, Grandfather Oak. Good morning, Grandmother Pine.

I grin at the young and fresh-faced Dogwoods, their butter-colored flowers open wide like a smile, and the delicate Willow waving shyly. I nod to the elegant Paper Birch leaning nonchantly into the breeze, smile at the dainty Japanese Maples, and almost applaud the scruffy Cedars, because I have a particular fondness for them and their deep, red hearts.

I say their names when I recognize them: Elm, Magnolia and Tulip Poplar, Ornamental Cherry and Arborvitae, Sweet Lilac and Ash. Viburnam, Sassafras, Catalpa, Linden, Grey Birch, Sycamore...I list them like a litany.

I could make poems out of tree-words found in a glossary of tree-terms; to me the words sound like a secret language:
Blade, bract, clingstone, conifer, freestone, midrib, palmate, rootstock...they weave together an incantation of growth.

This morning I approached a grand and imposing tree near the edge of the road, and my steps slowed as I took in the large orange X on its solid mid-trunk. What mark is this? As I neared, I saw a sign, an official town notice, tacked to its bark: Tree Slated for Removal. My heart clutched. Poor, doomed tree. I mourned the impending loss in advance, my hand on its blackened girth. It was clearly ill, discoloration running up its length, but it still radiated strength, solid under my palm. I stood still there for a moment, so I could spend time with this tree, this tree I had been warned would soon be gone. I tried to take a picture with my mind, to transplant it from its roots to its crown, so it could grow in my imagination, not be forgotten, always be honored.

Then, I said goodbye.

I said it out loud.

Contraction

2008-06-11T11:51:00.001-04:00

My mother tells me this is what it is. Once there has been an expansion of the self, it is a natural part of the cycle: the contraction. It is squeezing me hard. The last few days, I am increasingly aware that I am slowly spinning downward and inward. It does not alarm me, but it does disappoint me. Leaving the multicolored and manic creativity of the last few months feels like leaving my soul in a locker at the train station. I know I will be back to pick it up again, but…it is hard to move away from it.

My mother says it is part of alchemy; this is the time to mine the gold from all the knowledge I have been gathering. Time to take it out and examine it and go deeper. I am trying hard to find satisfaction in the process but I feel my joy fading out like a dying star, not into sadness, but into…complacency. Ennui. Cynicism.

I am not creating much at all…little to no art, no writing (save this babbling), no poems. It is a beautiful day: the sun is shining, the sky is blue…all is right in my world but me. I know this phase well, and I am trying to outwit it with my walks and my explorations of pagan social events. I remain aware, though, that the veil has fallen heavily and it will be some time before it lifts again. I just need to be patient.

Save a spot for me on the higher plane; I will get back there as soon as I can.

Exploring Beyond the Forest

2008-06-05T11:24:00.001-04:00

As many of you may know, last month I went on a 4 day camping trip, attending a pagan Forest Folk Festival in the woods. I went looking for new friends and experiences and came back feeling awake, alive, and eager to learn more about the things I had discovered. Once home, I searched the 'net for local drum circles or other events, and found a group that was hosting a workshop I felt I had to experience. So on Tuesday night, I went to the posted location to see what awaited me there. Here is my tale:

I was a bit anxious, I admit; I had taken a bit of a leap into the unknown. Here I was in a room with 6 strangers, about to embark on my first semi-guided meditation/Shamanic journey. I was not sure what to expect, from this group or from the experience. I only knew if I did not follow my heart and start to respond to the calling I had been feeling for so many years, I was risking my health on every level. The participants all welcomed me to the group warmly, much to my relief, and our guide was encouraging and kind. I was ready to begin.

Eyes closed, feet tucked underneath myself, I followed the instructions to breathe, breathe in deeply and picture warm sunlight on my head...to imagine the warmth and light seeping down, through my face, my neck, flooding my mouth....breathing deeper and drawing the warm light down through my shoulders, my back, down my arms to my hands, into my belly and down my thighs, letting the glow move all the way down my legs to my feet. The voice guided us further, describing a path through the forest, green trees all around, a canopy of rustling leaves overhead. We were brought to a clearing where a large tree stood; in my mind it was clearly the massive grandfather tree with its enormous bent arms I had seen on a recent hike. My mind's eye could see the door sized hole at the base of the tree that our guide described, and I entered as instructed.

Inside, an earthen ramp led downward, lit by a slant of sunlight from above. Deep into the earth, down under a ceiling of roots, I stepped into the dim passageway ahead. For a while it was dark, and I felt my way along, until we were brought into a large cavern with walls of rock, a stream running through, and ground beneath our feet that was strewn with all manner of stones. We were told to pick one up, and at that moment our guide pressed a stone into my open hand and the drumming began. We were left alone to explore, with no more guidance; just the steady heartbeat of a single drum. I let my mind wander...

I surveyed the cavern and was a bit disapointed. I was hoping for crystals, or stones I recognized...instead it was wet, black rock: jagged and dark as coal. The steady thunk of the drum manifested itself as water dripping onto a slab of stone which, as I watched, started to disolve like black sugar under the persistant impact of the drops of water. Like quicksand, the surface of the stone began to cave in toward the center, an hourglass effect with black grains swirling down into an invisible drain. I watched for a while, before realizing the slab of rock itself remain unchanged, and would never disolve completely, so I made an effort to follow the trickling stream nearby instead. As I stepped toward it, a large scarab beetle scuttled in front of me, its gunmetal grey wings opening with a click that sounded mechanized, revealing a vibrantly colored underside. It flew parallel to the water and vanished into the dark.

The water was flowing across a streambed glittering with the same jagged, jet black rocks, wet and gleaming in a light source that seemed artificial, like overhead fixtures, flourescent tubing. I followed the water to where it disappeared through a fist sized hole at the base of the far wall of the cavern. I bent down to try to see what was on the other side, and saw that radiant gold and orange light was shining though the jagged hole. I tried, with both hands, to tear the hole wider, as though ripping open a package, but the rock remained true to its properties, and merely dug into my hands and refused to budge. I thought for a moment and realized that if the hole refused to get bigger, I would have to get smaller.

It was an effort. Like inflating a balloon in reverse. My mind struggled to imagine myself crompressing, minifying myself like Alice attempting to go through the rabbit's door, but at last I was able to duck through the hole, and on the other side I shot back up to my original height the moment I entered the space. I looked around in wonder: this cavern was round with a high domed ceiling, like a a bee skep, with light from the outside making the interior glow. The walls reminded me of what I see when sunlight beats down on my closed eyelids: a rich red-gold-orange membrane, but this time like stained glass, like walls of carnelian and amber. I sensed movement over my head and glanced up, where I could make out the swirling shadows of a figure, an entity...she flowed across the ceiling like a wraith, with long trailing tendrils, like bird-of-paradise feathers, ribbons, or angelfish fins. She rotated counterclockwise, a whirlpooling of deep-shadowed maroon and red. She did not show her face; I am not even sure how I knew she was female...but somehow she communicated to me that she was pleased to see me, and that she was there to act as a guide. My attention was drawn back to the cavern walls, which were now coming off in layers, like sheets of amber-colored mica, in pieces as large as pictures windows. They floated around me, orbiting in rings, some going clockwise, some going counter clockwise. The room abruptly filled with blinding gold light which erased everything around me, and I found myself encased in a grey veil, like a cocoon. I wanted to struggle to get free and see more, but coached myself to wait. Slowly the grey burned away before my eyes, edges glowing like burning paper, and I was facing a soot-blackened wall riddled with fissures that glowed with light. I waited and waited, hoping the cracks would open and I would see some wonder on the other side, but though the light pulsed promisingly, I could not will the wall to crumble. I was disapointed to hear the drum change rythyms, and the voice of our guide calling us back to the room we sat in.

It turns out what I thought was 10 minutes of journeying was in fact 25. I felt myself practically humming with the intensity of all I had felt and seen. We all shared our experiences, and were delighted to find there had been some "bleed-over" between us. A few other's had experienced circular themes, rotations, shrinking and growing. One person had even see the Catepillar from Alice in Wonderland! I was asked if i had ever had taken a journey before, or had power animal experiences. I said my mother, a healer, had done a retrieval for me years ago, and it was a seal. I had gone on a brief journey 3 years ago that my mom guided a few family members on, and I had been met by a badger . Most recently my mother journeyed on my behalf and encountered a peregrine falcon. Our guide suggested I had gone into this journey with three of the 4 elements: water, earth and air. She smiled and said, the entity you saw sounds very much like a fire elemental. Everyone looked at each other and nodded agreement, and a few said in unison: the phoenix. Our guide seemed very pleased for me; she said much of what I saw was typical for beginners, especially things being closed to me or hard to penetrate. She told me to keep practising letting go at those moments. I smiled and nodded, realizing my journey has only just begun; I can hardly wait for the chance to try again!

A different drummer

2008-04-04T19:19:00.003-04:00

Next month I am going to have a chance to join a drumming circle...how cool is that?? So I decided I needed my own drum. I got a plain 10" elk hide frame style drum on ebay, and arted it up. It features one of my power animals, the lynx. I am very happy with it! All it needs is a border...

The art of the Doodle, the Doodle as Art

2008-03-26T06:36:00.012-04:00

We've all done it.
We've all doodled.
Mindlessly while on hold, trying to reach the cable repair people, the doctor, the bank. In the margins of our notebooks when we were bored in class, daydreaming, distracted.
When I was small, I would doodle on the little envelopes meant for the offering tray at church, using the provided little pencil; to my young mind these items had been placed there solely for my creative use.

It may not seem like mindlessly creating art via the auto-doodle mode would result in full pages of joyous expression, but I intend to convince you otherwise.

The key to a glorious, full-page abstract doodle is to really believe that a doodle can go places, can be more than its seemingly goofy name implies. Here now are some ways to jump start a doodle, enhance and encourage it, celebrate it and magnify it! The techniques for doodling are truly numerous, so these are just a handful of ideas.

One way to create a full page doodle is by connecting random shapes via other random shapes. If you like, practice some basic shapes on some scrap paper to see which ones you repond to: swirls, stars, leaves, eggs, circles, squares, triangles, wiggly worms, flames, teardops. Once you are comfortable with creating shapes, scatter some randomly over the page you are filling:

The next step is to build a web of sorts between these shapes. Lines and wiggles are useful, other shapes can be squeezed in, too. By linking all the shapes together, we fill that negative space with vibrant and active lines that give the whole image a dynamic energy.

Looking for a different launching point? Consider using a word. Your name, a quotation, or just one bold word like JOURNEY, or DREAM. Let the tendrils, lines and shapes grow and build of this basic building block, until the overgrowth becomes a garden of wiggles and squiggles:

The best part about a doodle is it HAS NO RULES. Any material can be used. I myself am partial to Sharpie markers (the fumes are intoxicating; some say inspiring...others say headache inducing. Your mileage may vary!) I love the bold color and the bleed factor of the markers as they soak into bristol board. I have been know to doodle with silver pens, gel pens, pencils, paint, you name it. But mostly for the outlines, I come back to the black Sharpie.

Doodles do not need to represent anything. They do not need to speak your heart or be balanced or have proper perspective. Doodles do not judge. Doodles are the artistic equivalent of humming, whistling, taking a stroll, floating on a raft in the pool. They invite you to let go of expectations and inhibitions and let the lines wander.

Once my page is filled, if I want to take my doodle to the next level, I dress it up with color. Again, I am partial to brights and bolds here, but have done these with sparkling watercolors, colored pencils, markers, even crayons. You can limit your palette to blues and greens, reds and golds, whatever feels right, or go wild with all the colors of the rainbow! The doodles that follow were done with Sharpies:

This one was done with sharpie and watercolors

Here is some doodling used to fill spaces in a collage:

So go take doodling to the next level…let the pen wander and the mind follow….

In progress

2008-02-26T21:54:00.002-05:00

These elements are all from the same piece I am working on; it is for a friend so I need to keep any real progress pics down for now...some has to stay a surprise!
Nothing feels like creating something for someone, just because of who they are, just because you love them. That's where art and joy collide.

an introduction

2008-02-22T01:07:00.005-05:00

Recently my inner child was invited out to play. She was hesitant at first, because she has not been out much. I think she thought there was no one to play with. Or some her her past playmates had been pretty rough with her. Teased and stuff. Anyway, there are some things about her that have not changed at all, so here is a list of a few.

Being near the ocean makes her happy. Lakes and rivers are an acceptable substitute, but she likes the wind that blows in over the surf, and the roar of the waves, and how tiny the shoreline makes her feel.

Although her bright blue eyes changed their minds at age six and turned green, her love of cats remains the same.
She likes to curl up under the arm of someone she trusts to protect her from bad stuff, like wolves, or mean people.

She believes that if you are going to ignore the wisdom of whole grains and dine on Wonder Bread, it is more interesting to eat when first rolled into litttle balls of dough.

She thinks pigtails are the best. She is proud of her freckles. She loves spontaneous hugs, and her ability to make people laugh. She is proud of that, too.
She believes in things not everyone can see, like magic, and souls who know each other through lifetimes, and she also will keep a secret for you, if you need one kept. She knows some wonderful ones.

I hope she sticks around for awhile. I kind of forgot how easy it is to make her happy. She is good company, and does not ask for much more than love, forgiveness when she messes up, someone to laugh at her jokes and kiss her owies when she falls down and cries about it.

Oh, and cupcakes. With frosting. And sprinkles. The rainbow kind. Pretty sure she will share...

We have a winner!

2008-02-14T20:40:00.002-05:00

Happy congratulations to the fabulously talented Kathy Wasilewski, who is the winner of the mirror! Randomizer.org picked her comment number this evening on my behalf (such a great li'l program!) so I did not need to ask hubby to pull a paper from a hat!

This experince, just like last years, was an exercise in pure creative joy. The opportunity (and excuse) to visit blog after blog of heart-centered artists and creatives of all kinds was simply fantastic. Thank you all for being part of the whole process, and to Lisa for letting us in on her vision.

Blessings, all!

One World One Heart!

2008-02-04T09:11:00.000-05:00

Once again I am participating in the One World One Heart giveaway! The simple instructions are as follows: leave a comment for me on this post, and you are entered to win the mirror I created for this event!

I will be drawing a winner on the 13th of February, and will contact them either via email or via their personal blog. If you leave an anonymous comment, I will not be able to reach you if you win!

Be sure to check out the (over 130)other giveaways! The list can be seen here.
Good luck, and thanks for stopping by!

A bit about the mirror:
This mirror has a wooden frame that has been collaged with various papers, and then muted with a wash of thinned gesso. The result is a soft, antique white effect. Since mirrors are notoriously hard to photograph, I have snapped pics of some of the details for a closer look. The mirror measures @ 8x10", and can be displayed on the wall or on a flat surface with the stand on the back.

The finished rooms

2008-01-31T16:04:00.000-05:00

At long last I can share the finished results of our addition, including the boys' rooms! Technically there are fiddly bits to tinker with yet, like staining the french doors and painting some of the trim...but I will get that done a bit at a time.

New charms

2008-01-13T08:07:00.000-05:00

Another charm swap propelled me to give something new a shot. I have not worked with polymer clay too much, so this was a challenge, especially working small...my wrists have been particularly troublesome lately...but I made some Kwan Yin beads. At least, that is what the face said to me...I thought of Kwan Yin as I made them. She is the godess of compassions; her name means "she who hears the cries of the world."

Home Improvement

2008-01-08T10:30:00.000-05:00

I have been focused on our house these many weeks, as we are putting on an addition. It is near completion at last so I thought I would share some pics of the new upstairs room, and the murals I did on the walls of the boys' rooms downstairs!

Happy New Year

2008-01-06T21:01:00.000-05:00

Aside from Overwhlemed, Way Behind, and Scattered, here are are other interpretations as to

***What Nici Means*** as presented by a Blogthings Quiz

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. (Ok, how did they know that?)

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. (This thing is eerily accurate...)

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. (Consider me spooked. Everything said here is dead on. Freaky!)

How about you?

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyournameshiddenmeaningquiz/

journals and mirrors

2007-11-29T07:51:00.000-05:00

I could say something trite about how they both allow us to reflect, but I will refrain. (Okay, I pretty much said it anyway!) I conjured up a couple of each for the Women's Entrepeneurial Fair I was invited to be part of this weekend. I am very excited for it!

A purple mirror is also in progress, as is an off white one.

Dominomania

2007-10-19T11:10:00.000-04:00

Yeah, manic would be the right word. 47 domino magnets in one night? The muse is relentless, yet I am so glad she is here!

make a wish...

2007-10-13T15:00:00.000-04:00

Was inspired to make some magic wands to sell at the craft show...styrofoam stars covered with mulberry papers and gel medium..painted with acrylics, pearlex and microglitter...stamped, sealed with varnish and bejeweled...dressed up with fibers and tinsel and ribbon.

Got a wish, anyone? Me, I wish these will sell well!

CD art

2007-10-07T00:35:00.000-04:00

Kelli Perkins sent me a pin made from a piece of cut up compact disc last year, which I absolutely love. I finally worked up the nerve to try my own hand at it, and am so glad I did. I have made 46 of them this week; here is just a small sampling of them in progress. They are such FUN!

Playdate Payoff

2007-10-04T11:02:00.000-04:00

One of the best parts of arranging an art playdate with a fellow artist is the sharing of goods and ideas. My friend and fellow Circus Freak, Melissa, came over to play on Tuesday and brought BEADS, which she (as usual) generously shared, plus she inspired me to do another of these beady-charm bracelets, which I am just loving lately. They are feminine but not to fussy, and have such a cool, delicious weight, they are a real pleasure to wear.
Thank you, Melissa!

To Bead or not to Bead...

2007-09-23T22:38:00.000-04:00

Is no longer the question; I have to get busy if I plan to do the two craft fairs I am planning on. Anyone with craft fair tips, please, email me! I am a newbie!

Here are some of the latest manifestations of my bead fetish:

The skinny

2007-09-17T10:19:00.000-04:00

I am relieved and happy to report that the skinny book pages are done, about 2 weeks ahead of my own schedule, and I am feeling quite celebratory! Here is a neak peek at a sampling of them:

Sorry about the wacky crop job in the picture, but there was a lot of extraneous crap in the background that you (trust me) would not consider eyecandy. (Note to self: Clean studio already! Sheesh!)

Worthwhile activities.

2007-09-11T10:44:00.000-04:00

Have a few moments to make some mailart? Today you can make a piece that is truly meaningful. The Remember September mailart project is a small way to commemorate the lives lost 6 years ago. I participated last year and was honored to have my envelope chosen to be part of this years postcard announcing this years call for submissions.

I hope you will consider arting up an envie and mailing it today (so it has the 9.11 cancellation date) to add to the collection of what is now over 3000 submissions. Send your offering to:
Remember September
PO Box 793
Katonah, NY
10536

My entry this year was in part inspired by the quote chosen for the Hope Sees a Star project at ZNE. Please, also take a moment to find out what you can do to help this campaign. As artists, we have the power to support one another, as well as the power to create lasting beauty. Come be a part of it.

Skinny book pages continued

2007-09-10T13:53:00.000-04:00

Twenty six pages cut and ready for embellishing! I feel like I am on such a creative roll! Woohoo!
I am really happy with the way the backgrounds came out; it was such a great experimental journey!

Stockpiling

2007-09-08T21:13:00.000-04:00

Thinking of doing a Holiday craft fair here in town this year, which means I need to build up my inventory. Here are three necklaces I made last night:

Day Counter, Part Deux

2007-09-08T17:36:00.000-04:00

Ok, kids, I am SO glad I did this wacky project because I love the end result.
The circles are Ball jar lid inserts, and the rectangles are those tins AOL sends CDs in (Thank you Melissa, for the gift of these, which inspired the design a great deal!) The laminate samples were not all squirreled away into my pockets at Home Depot: I actually had a friend who worked at an industrial design firm, and he gave me about 100 of them last year...these ones work as wipe off surfaces! The numbers are magnets so each month can be adjusted appropriately. The extra magnets are on the side canvases, and even the pen matches the art. Wheeehoo!

Day Counter

2007-09-06T21:40:00.000-04:00

This looks like a painting, yes? Well it is a painting/collage technically, but won't be for long...I am trying to make a highly artistic calendar. One that looks more like art than calendar, even when kid's dental apointments and half schooldays are added. Because hubby says we need a big one right in the dining room to get this household running smoothly (he might be right!) This piece is about 3 by 4 feet. Soon it will be a fully functional calendar, with dry erase days and magnetic numbers. (You will have to wait for that--I am making this whole proccess far too complicated, and am starting to get irritated with myself.) Lets hope it is worth the wait; this is a ridiculously ambitious bit of nonsense, but I could not stand the idea of a big old ugly Staples whiteboard calendar in my art-filled living room/dining room area. No way, no how!

Some details of the work:

Back

2007-08-30T14:03:00.000-04:00

Back from vacation in Vermont, back to school, back to a quieter house and a lot of laundry...

In the meantime, some favorite shots from my travels:

Out of the Blue for Chrysti

2007-08-10T18:37:00.000-04:00

Well a while back I played an Out of the Blue art party/swap with my dear friend Pattie, who sent me an amazing art frog, and I sent her an arted up purse...and then I asked two friends to exchange with me....and they asked two friends...etc and so on.

I sent Kelli her piece a while ago, but Chrysti's had me stumped. I got so far, and no further.

I stalled at that point for a few weeks.

Ah, but today....At last the barrier in my brain came down and the piece made itself known.
Closed:

With a message on the door:

And open:

I am so happy I will be able to send it at last!

Putting it out there...

2007-08-08T18:36:00.000-04:00

Well, I did it...I sent something to Somerset Studio for consideration. I don't know why this was so daunting, but I decided I could no longer wait to be discovered, hahaha. So I created this wall clock for a call for "green" themed items. Sure is green, huh?
I created a tutorial to go with it, which can be seen here.

Skinny book pages

2007-08-03T14:57:00.000-04:00

Starting to rev my creative engines for the skinny book project Chrysti is coordinating at the Altered Abbey. Here are some background pages I have started on: watercolor, acrylics, gesso, pearl ex powders, embossing powders and UTEE on watercolor paper.
Here is a close up; I love the way the UTEE beads up so that it looks like rainwater.

2007-07-10T12:02:00.000-04:00

So, I am doing this art charm swap...and am learning that I love working small scale! What makes this fun for me is it feels like altered art, but it is mini-art. I am learning there are myriad ways to make these things, and some materials are more durable than other, but I am looking forward to experimenting more! Anyone with tips on laquers or adhesives that are waterproof and durable but without obnoxious fumes, for example, give me a holler! Here are 10 to start, fronts and backs...

Once in a blue moon...

2007-07-07T14:18:00.000-04:00

I post twice in one day.

This isa new set made for a customer after the original got eaten by the USPS Gremlins. Grr.....
This is my Blue Moon design:

and some new earrings:

Birds of a Feather

2007-07-07T10:15:00.000-04:00

Flock together.

I had to share my wonderful living room display consisting of the art of my wonderful Circus friends!
Top: a delightful wall piece by Kelli Perkins; tiny circle of watercolored egss with the words "Her joy was in flying"
On sconce: delicate house with open doors by Amy Smith. The front of the doors read "The roads we have traveled" with a pair of golden birds above. Inside, 6 glass vials, one word in each -- liberty, heritage, equilibrium, one summons, spiritual, The Blues. Flanked by two wooden birds that belonged to my grandmother.
Bottom: newest addition from Kathleen Hendrix. Luminous 5x5 canvas featuring a chubby chickdee balanced on a wooden branch with handful of 3D elements.

Don't they all come together nicely?

6x6

2007-06-26T10:21:00.000-04:00

This was created for a swap at the Embellished Circus. I feel like I am finally reclaiming my creative groove after going relatively dormant for the last year or so. I got this little chunky frame for a dollar at Target and knew it had potential. I wish I had a before pic of the bright turquoise frame with the picture of a cartoon orange crab so you could really dig the transformation! Anyway, this one was done, as usual, with a bizarre wabisabi, mad scientist approach. The outer frame is coated with acrylics, alcohol inks, twinkling h20s, pearl ex powders, and a nice coating of UTEE! The focal frame has a background of twinkling h20s under the glass (and some stars) with a polymer clay face and resin dragonfly on top. Ah, lets not forget those microbeads I love so much!

The next Circus Swap I am playing in is a birdhouse exchange. Here is a work-in-progress glimpse...feathers, acrylics, pearlex, twinkling h2os, embossing powders...that is just the first layer...lol

No one is more beautiful than you...

2007-06-22T09:17:00.000-04:00

An Exceptional Boy

2007-06-15T11:39:00.000-04:00

Well, last night was the sixth grade award ceremony ( a pseudo graduation, if you will). Spenser took home several awards!

Spelling Award, Math Award....

Most Improved Writer Award....

And most exciting, the President's Education Award for Outstanding Academic Acheivement! (Accompanied by a letter from President Bush and a pin, which Spenser's is proudly sporting today.)
Six years ago when he was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, if you had told me this could happen, I would have been stunned and in disbelief. Now that I see it, I am overjoyed, amazed, humbled. I am so very proud of my wonderful, extraordinary son.

"Out of the Blue" Art Party

2007-06-06T16:26:00.001-04:00

I feel so lucky! Artist Pattie Mosca invited me to play a fun art game, started by Deb Silva...

Pattie is creating 3 small works of art. She will send one to the person who invited her to play, and one to the two people she invited to join...myself and another artist.
I in turn (as will each player) will create 3 works of art. I will send one back to Pattie, who invited me, and one on to each of the two artists I invited to play along.

Next, they pick two art friends to invite to play; make 3 art pieces, send one to me and one on to each friend with instructions as to the nature of the game.

Did that make any sense? You can read more about it here,on Deb's Blog.

Well here is what I crafted for Pattie; a little funky handbag using papers, pearlex, embossing powders and acrylics, with a finishing flourish of fancy fibers!

A gift to myself

2007-05-14T09:27:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Mother's Day to me...a busy week where I decided to make myself a gift. I had been to a jewelry party (think Tupperware, only costume baubles) where I saw several pretty pieces but Lordy, the prices! $100 for costume items? No thanks! So, inspired by one piece in particular, I decided to make my own. This one is made with freshwater pearls, aventurine, unakite, mother of pearl, peridot and tourmaline beads, with sterling wire accents. Since most of my beads are from swaps or bought on clearance, I estimate this trinket set me back less than $15!
A gift indeed!

Making a Map

2007-05-02T22:41:00.000-04:00

Artella's online creative newspaper has this little segment called "map of the day". It features all sorts of maps, from antique to imaginary, from artistic to anatomic. I decided to try my hand at an artistic map; this one will be appearing in the paper on Sunday. It is a map of a piece of my heritage. It shows the city of Hamburg, which my grandparents fled just before the war. The bombed out buildings are what remained when they returned. The little boy is my father.

Spring Show

2007-04-27T12:33:00.000-04:00

Pretty, shiny things.

2007-04-18T16:41:00.000-04:00

Artella is featuring a Mother's Day Shoppe and I was asked to come up with some items for it...yay! An excuse to play! So I fashioned some new baubles and things and am quite pleased with the result. Look for them in my Shoppe in the coming days!

Blog Awards

2007-04-16T15:41:00.000-04:00

This was a new one on me...blog awards...I had no idea there were such things, but apparently I have been generously given a "Thinking Blogger" award by Judie! I am humbled and flattered and most of all excited because I now get to bestow it on someone else I admire for their Think Quotient!

I will happily designate my friend Chrysti as aThinking Blogger award recipient. If she has not been given one prior to now, surely the world is running backward. I cannot in words accurately convey the respect and affection I have for this artist. She goes beyond thinking...she creates, innovates, envisions, develops, manifests, conjures and astounds. She sparkles like a gem with a thousands facets, and I am so proud to count her as a friend, mentor and art supply source!

Love you, Chrysti!

I have to say there are far too many of you out there I admire. Far too many I would like to meet in person and laugh with and make art with and just be alive with. Over a year ago I created a traveling journal, an art journal, that went to a handful of friends before coming home. It is sadly underfilled, and my deepest wish is to have it bursting with pages, doodles, collages, etc by all the artists I hold in esteem. So I am putting out the wish here, that anyone who would like to send a postcard-sized piece of their heart-art for my special "artograph" book, I would be tickled and thrilled and grateful. This is my little wish for the day... Email me if you are feeling like a wish-granter today!

Transformation Technology

2007-04-15T18:38:00.000-04:00

Please, tell me I am not the last one on the block to discover the fabulous fun to be had with the "liquify" tool in Photoshop? This is my Warrior Soul Card, reinvented...as The Warrior Tree!

An Eggs-Hibition

2007-04-09T22:38:00.000-04:00

What does fame feel like?

2007-03-30T20:34:00.000-04:00

If it felt like how I feel when I look at this, I could learn to like it. Seeing my work cleverly made to look monumental and gallery-worthy is sort of heartstopping. A moment of wow...can you just imagine????
And for just a brief second, I almost can...

Your turn, now. Go on. Imagine really being seen, or being heard. Scary-good-thrilling-awful-unbelievable-right-bizarre-surreal-joyous....heartstopping...

What a trip!

Never Stop Learning

2007-03-24T00:16:00.000-04:00

There's the kind of learning that happens unintentionally. Things like, an unattended vegetarian chicken patty left alone cooking in a toaster oven for too long will fill the upstairs of your home with a eerie smoke that simply won't leave. Or perhaps, that fact that two cats and a ziplock baggie full of catnip, when left in a room together, will transform your living room into some kind of freaky feline crackhouse, with kitties rolling in ecstacy on the floor and making meepmeep noises.

(Mmm. Seems both these bits of learning resulted from leaving things unattended. Short attention span, anyone?)

Anyway...
There's the kind of learning that is intentional. I don't know that I have that kind too often, where I actively persue new knowledge. Did years of school and college just sour my inner scholar to the whole idea of "studying" something?

Today, however, my wonderful friend Melissa answered my request of her to teach me something new and totally different...soldering. I really had to commit to this lesson, and bought a soldering iron, some flux and (annoyingly) the wrong sort of solder. (Mm. Another unintentional lesson: There are different kids of solder.)

I have to confess I was nervous because it involves a very hot soldering gun and a lot of patience...but man, I am hooked! I just love love love what I can make with it.

Here are my first 3 (not quite complete) pieces. The long pendant and small square will have some charms and beads added to the jump rings.

I learned something new! ON PURPOSE! Yay me!

Vroomm, vroomm!

2007-03-21T11:03:00.000-04:00

Is it art?

The fine art of the Pinewood Derby Car has once again become a pursuit in our house. Spring brings the Pinewood Derby for our wee Cub Scouts, and this marks cars #7 and #8 that I have helped the boys build. (Not Dad's strongest area, though no doubt he could do it, somehow it has become my specialty) I give you now this years entries:

Ian's " I Gotta Catch Up"

and Noah's " Road Rally":

Mother Nature

2007-03-18T09:26:00.000-04:00

Don't mess with her.
I think I jinxed the entire East Coast by smugly crowing over the easy winter, and how Spring was upon us at last.
Mother Nature sprung something on us alright.
Brrrrr! Sorry, everyone. My bad.

Ancestor art

2007-03-15T07:59:00.000-04:00

Teeny tiny portrait...huge wall...what is a girl to do?
I had this wonderful photo of my grandfather, the youngest of three boys, that I wanted to feature in my living room. I also had this fantastic wooden portfolio he stored his art is that he had made for himself in his youth, and had stained a vivid cherry red. Inside were sheet of aging white paper, some at least 50 years old. I also had all these nifty old wooden curly tracing tools from his drafting days (French Curves! Thank you, Judi!). Somehow I brought all these elements together to create a 2' x 4' piece for my living room...with that little 4x6" photo as the focal point. The background painting is watercolor, gesso and graphite on artboard, with a dash of embossing powders.

Painting? What's that?

2007-03-11T10:26:00.000-04:00

Been a long time, it seems, since I picked up a brush with the intention to create an Actual Finished Painting. Yet, somehow this week, I made one. And am heavily into a second one that I think is closing in on finished.

The best part is the "framed canvases" are actually ugly Target type artprints I got at Goodwill for $2 each and painted over. Instant framed substrate. Woot!

Here's a few more that have come out in the last few days!

One World, One HeART

2007-03-04T14:58:00.000-05:00

EIGHTY THREE COMMENTS! Never could I have foreseen this! More people in one week than since this blog began! THank you to all of you lovelies and for your kind words; it has been a sheer delight to visit all your pages and come together for this sepcial event.

And now...drumroll please...randomizer.org has declared the winner to be...MICHELLE!

I am honored to send these jewels to Michelle, who I have come to know a bit about via her blog. Being a mom takes so much spirit and love and compassion...mothering an exceptional child can take repeated leaps of faith, and the ability to find light and joy where others might fear the dark.
Please visit her blog HERE, and be inspired all the things that make her an exceptional mom.

Click on the LINK to get details on this wonderful project

Soul Collage

2007-01-22T10:55:00.000-05:00

So, I am trying my hand at SoulCollage. You can read more about the concept at http://www.soulcollage.com/home/index.php, Just wanted to share my second one:

I Am One Who is the Storyteller.
I Am One Who Traces Her History.
I am One Who Remembers.

Son of my heart

2007-01-06T13:45:00.000-05:00

I wrote these words to some friends and realized how well they went with these pictures I took of Noah and I the following day:

I met with Noah's caseworker, this really wonderful dynamo of a woman named Beth, who is helping us get all kinds of services for him. We talked about how the public school is just not meeting his needs, though their intentions and hearts are set in the right place, their training and facilities are inadequate.

We talked about what is happening to my bright, fizzy, loving, driven, creative, charming, passionate baby boy (ok, he's just turned 6...but he's my BABY!); everyday he comes home crushed on some level. I don't know many 6 yr olds who hit themselves in the head, who call themselves dumb and stupid, who cry and say that want to die. I still reel when these things come from my child's mouth.

His mind is a dazzling and complex landscape where brilliant sunshine and raging storms plow through erratically, alternately blinding him with manic giddiness or sucking him up in a twister of rage. Sometimes both at once! And here he is, this tiny new soul, still trying to understand the world, and people, and though everyone who guides him tries hard to encourage him, the messages he hears and internalizes every single day are...
not good enough
unnacceptable
innappropriate
try harder
stop fussing
you're overreacting
get a grip
you're ruining everything
get away from me
you're scary
you're mean
you're bad

...and he is starting to believe it. We need to get him OUT of the mainstream educational system before it destroys him. He is an octagonal peg and they are jamming him into a round hole by whittling down his self esteem, his sense of self, his hope. I cannot stand by and watch my child be strangled by red tape while the almighty dollar holds sway over his future.

The suicide rate for boys with this disorder is terrifyingly high. I am in a fight for not just the quality of his life, but his life! His LIFE! And some days I get a glimpse of how very small I am on the battlefield, with the rusty little bugle I am trying to muster up a "charge!" with, and a shitty broken musket. And maybe a pack of smokes. Ha!

Anyway, sorry, it is something I can rant about for days. He is a fire in my heart all the time.

The upshot of this meeting was we are going to seek out of district placement for him. A special school that the town will have to pay for. This is going to be a HARD FIGHT. These things often involve lawyers, appeals, and general misery. The school we are aiming for has a $46 K annual tuition rate. We will have a fight on our hands.

So the person who really needs the glory love and prayers is Noah, whose spirit and mind are under fire everyday, and whose childhood is an emotional battlefield being slowly littered with memories of bad days. And prayers, too that the hearts and minds of those with the power to make a change for him are moved to do so, to make a call that changes the course of his entire future. So much for our family will ride on this. Everything, in fact.
Read more about what Noah is dealing with HERE.
Here is my baby boy:

Ready, set...create!

2007-01-03T12:12:00.000-05:00

2007...I am starting the year with a clean studio and lots of projects lined up. Fingers crossed I can keep all the chainsaws I am juggling under control while making it look easy. People, its not easy. Let's face it, there's no way I could make it look easy. But I can try to make it look pretty!

Forest Mini Journal

Ornamentation

2006-11-18T21:23:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine was ebaying some of these lovely storage tins, and reminded me I had a lot of them stashed away in a box and was not using them. They seemed to lend themselves to little shadowbox vignettes, so I turned some into ornaments to put in the Holiday Shoppe at Artella. They were great fun to make!

Card Attack

2006-10-21T16:04:00.000-04:00

Working hard to meet their goal, my two Jr. Sharpie Scouts spent time in the studio with me today! Here is some of their work!

Homers

2006-09-22T08:06:00.000-04:00

Decos that come home are like little mail miracles, are they not? To me they seem as rare as a message in a bottle, sent adrfit...and they wash up on shore after shore...and somehow drift home. Of the over 100 decos I have sent into the world over a 3 year period, 8 have come home. In fact, the eighth arrived in yesterdays mail, and had been traveling since May of 2005. Hope Clinchot created this Visions of Africa deco, and its pages were filled by artists from around the US and as far away as New Zealand. Thank you to all you contributed, and to Kathleen for sending it home!
Here it sits in a place of honor in the "gallery" of my studio.

9.11

2006-09-11T14:19:00.000-04:00

Remember by mail art

From Fumes to Final Product

2006-09-08T23:39:00.000-04:00

Here is a page from my Art Journal.Remember that box for of Sharpie Products I was sent by Sanford Co for being such a loyal fan (and having an inside connection)? If not, scroll down, you'll see it.
Lookee how preety...I love the colorrrsssss...

Myra

2006-08-31T10:26:00.000-04:00

Who is Myra? She is My Roaming Altoid tin doll. I am playing in a round robin with 11 other fabulous artists for this challenge. Take an altoid tin, take the first steps to creating an art doll of it. Send it to the next in line, along with a journal to track the dolls travels. That person then adds to the doll and sends to the next; meanwhile I get someone else's doll and add to it. The project is slated to run for a full year, so that hopefully next Septmeber, Myra will return home fully arted up, be-limbed (is that a word?) and strutting her stuff. She has a gypsy theme; she travels with her journal in a mini-suitcase, which is also loaded with tiny beads and charms and trinkets for other artists in the group to use during the process. Today, she heads out into the world!

Happiness is a Box Full of Fumes

2006-08-17T17:25:00.000-04:00

Sharpie Love...breathe it in...

Art Journal pages again

2006-08-14T00:25:00.000-04:00

I think this journal has been the keeper of my sanity this summer...

The Seaqueen

2006-08-08T07:59:00.000-04:00

This weekend I fiddled around with sculpey...something that is hard for me, since my carpal tunnel symptoms seem to really flare up angrily when I try to use modeling compounds. My fingers go numb within minutes. So I sculpted her form rather quickly and imperfectly...but then dressed her up in glass microbeads and fibres to cover her rougher spots. Her shaowbox "sea" interior measures about 4x4", so she is petite. I may sell her; but I am attached to her right now...she makes me think of an old friend I miss.

paper beads

2006-08-04T21:42:00.000-04:00

I just love making these things...I get vey focused and it becomes zen like...takes my mind from my troubles...

Summer

2006-08-03T15:12:00.000-04:00

Has propelled me outdoors and away from the studio...which means less art...but more photography. Here are some from my garden...

The nitty-gritty

2006-06-27T13:46:00.000-04:00

So here are my latest Try it Tuesday gambles...a technique I really enjoy fiddling with: faux rust! Gesso, gold foil, sand, sugar, alcohol inks, acrylics, pearl ex powders,and watercolors.

Be sure to check out the Try It T's link to the right; I am sponsoring this weeks prize with a tote bag from my Cafpress press store stuffed full of art goodies!

Journal Pages-influenced

2006-06-09T11:40:00.000-04:00

Some more art journal pages..this time the assignment was Gluebooks...haphazard collage with paper ephemera...but as usual I could not give in to chaos and wound up with not only an arranged series of collages but a theme. Gah. Heavily influenced by reading the DaVinci code, the notion of the Divine Feminine and the balance of the sexes crept into one...and messages in art in another...Ah, well, I like them anyway. Also a few other random pages...

graphicsperiment

2006-06-04T22:41:00.000-04:00

One of these days I will try photoshop. Or something like it. One of these days I will brave the world of digital manipulation and not be freaked out by all the Scary Complicated Toolbars. In the meantime, I do stuff with MS paint and my free fujipics software...how pathetic.
Here is an odd self portrait. All the colors are fragments of my photos, pictures of the flowers in my garden...iris, rhododendron, bleeding heart, forget-me-not, peony and pansy. Odd, but I like it anyway.

New techniques and new blooms

2006-05-26T10:41:00.000-04:00

A combined-subject post, since both these things came about on the same day. Yesterday I got some nice macros of the rhododendrons and peonies in the yard; thought I'd share. And the artwork is a result of my latest "try-it Tuesday" challenge: easy image transfers. Believe it or not, for all the years I have been doing art, this is something I have put off learning. I think now I am hooked! The background is primarily watercolors, acrylics and embossing powders. The pearls and text are stamped on, the leaves and stem are acrylic, and the flower and face and tranfers.

20 years!

2006-05-23T15:40:00.000-04:00

So, its not art...but I survived my 20th reunion, and that takes talent and skill!

Try-it-Tuesdays challenge

2006-05-22T13:40:00.000-04:00

I took on Chrysti's Try It Tuesday challenge last week and here is the result; I did a gel image transfer and added some paper lave for texture over the acrylic background. it was a lot of fun and I learned an easy technique; what more can you ask for?

Mother's Day

2006-05-15T14:06:00.000-04:00

One of the best things about being a mom. Mother's Day. And roses from your boys. My whole studio smells like an English estate garden. Heaven.

More journal pages

2006-05-13T16:53:00.000-04:00

I have been a bit startled by the effects this art journal has had on me. It occured to me as I was working in it, that this is the first art I have done for myself in over two years. For me to keep! Not to trade, sell, auction, donate, barter or gift. It completely changes the way I relate to the work. It is far more fearless and authentic. I love the feeling. Here are some pages (or some portions, if the text is too personal!) that I am pleased with!(click on the images to see detail or read the poems)

Letter to a Muse (handmarbled paper)

Crazy Quilt (Stamp pad/Prismacolor)

Underneath (gel image transfer/WC/Pittpens)

Verdant (text and other papers/pearlex/gesso/acrylic)