Wednesday, June 11, 2008
My mother tells me this is what it is. Once there has been an expansion of the self, it is a natural part of the cycle: the contraction. It is squeezing me hard. The last few days, I am increasingly aware that I am slowly spinning downward and inward. It does not alarm me, but it does disappoint me. Leaving the multicolored and manic creativity of the last few months feels like leaving my soul in a locker at the train station. I know I will be back to pick it up again, but…it is hard to move away from it.
My mother says it is part of alchemy; this is the time to mine the gold from all the knowledge I have been gathering. Time to take it out and examine it and go deeper. I am trying hard to find satisfaction in the process but I feel my joy fading out like a dying star, not into sadness, but into…complacency. Ennui. Cynicism.
I am not creating much at all…little to no art, no writing (save this babbling), no poems. It is a beautiful day: the sun is shining, the sky is blue…all is right in my world but me. I know this phase well, and I am trying to outwit it with my walks and my explorations of pagan social events. I remain aware, though, that the veil has fallen heavily and it will be some time before it lifts again. I just need to be patient.
Save a spot for me on the higher plane; I will get back there as soon as I can.